Ninja Academy [1988]

Camp 101, this film is essential viewing for fans of corny, poorly acted, slapstick humor.  It’s plot centers around a group of misfits who come together to learn Karate from master Chiba, and an old rivalry between Chiba and the villanous Mr.  Keegan.  This film is filled with crazy  sexy girls, classic one liners, crazy shenanigans and lots of Tom Foolery.  It’s also the first movie I’ve seen showing nude women playing volleyball.  This is one of the few Karate movies I’ve seen, in which almost no real martial arts are performed.  The showdown between the two out of shape rivals, ranks high amongst the worst fight scene to ever grace the big screen, making it celluloid gold.  One of the best worst films ever.
Director: Nico Mastorakis    Written By: Johnathan D. Gift


Super [2010]

Pedophiles and pushers watch your back, infidels and line cutter beware, the crimson bolt is out to get you.  Frank was once a simple short order cook at a local dinner, due to a failed marriage and a series of divine visions, Frank recreates him self in the image of the Crimson Bolt.  Armed with a pipe wrench and pipe bombs, and the choice to fight evil, the Crimson Bolt enlists the help of kid side kick, Boltie.  The Crimson Bolt and Boltie, unleash their brand of vigilante justice on a society devoid of morality.  Upon their first major victory, Boltie warns the crowd, “You tell everyone you know! That anytime some stupid fucking bastard wants to commit some gay ass crime that Crimson Bolt and Boltie are gonna be there to crush their little fucking evil heads in!”  A hilarious, action packed, blood soaked joy ride, Super is more than another bad hollywood superhero flick, it’s a tale of self discovery.  This is a mainstream film, which exhibits many underground sensibilities, making it a modern-day classic in my opinon.  Features Raine Wilson And Ellen Page both in their most hilarious roles.  Also includes a cameo by Troma Studio’s own Lloyd Kaufman.

Written & Directed By: James Gunn

The Last Circus [2010]

The Last Circus is a landmark achievement in filmmaking history.  This is seriously one of the best films i have seen recently.  It a bizarre, violent drama about a cast belonging to a circus in Madrid.  The plot centers around Sergio the happy clown and Javier the sad clown, and their love of the beautiful and talented acrobat Natalia.  Tensions rise and what begins as a few scuffles, ensues into a violent outburst by Javier, in which he  beats Sergio repeatedly in the face with a trumpet.  Javier flees, leaving Sergio behind barely alive and badly disfigured.  At This point Javier’s character undergoes many serious changes, in which he literally behaves and acts as an animal, thus becoming a deranged maniac.  Javier, disfigures his own face and makes a new costume which looks like a demented pope.  He soon returns, to make a “declaration of love” to Natalia, whom is horrified by the new makeover.  A bloody battle between Javier and Sergio follows.  Visually stunning, very well written and well acted, push the film into to the ranks of classics.  This film is bound for cult status and will be talked about for years to come.

Directed and Written By:  Alex de la Iglesia

Conan the Barbarian [2011]

Conan The Barbarian is one of the greatest sword and sandel films of 2011!  This movie goes to show with enough imaginative cgi effects and enough violence a filmmaker can mask a terrible script and a terrible plot, and produce a descent movie.  The plot centers around Conan’s quest for revenge against Khalar Zym.  During the quest, Conan gets involved protecting Tamara from the clutches of Khalar Zym and his evil daughter Marique.  Conan views this as the perfect opportunity, to enact his plans for revenge.  Aside from its lame plot and cheesy screenplay, this is a visual masterpiece.  It does have a stupid sub plot involving Conan and Tamara falling in love, buts that to be expected from a hollywood picture.  I never approach these movies with the pretense that they will intellectually enlighten me , I seek them for pure viewing enjoyment with a blunted state of mind.

Director:  Marcus Nispel

After Mein Kampf [1961]

After Mein Kampf is a sensational account of the inner workings of Der Third Reich.  Its humor lies in its subtleties, such as the over simplification of Hitler’s rise to power, and it’s menacing depiction of the Hitler Youth.  The film gives the overall impression that all german citizens are extreme nationalists to be feared.  The film mixes shots of authentic World War II footage, German soldiers singing patriotic songs, and various staged scene and uses humorous narration to tell the tale of fascism.  The movie poster  itself over exaggerates the film, there are no scenes of extreme nature and there are no crazy shocking scenes.  This is a must see for fans of exploitative educational scare films.

Directed & Written by:  Ralph Porter

Dolla Morte [2006]

A Jihad featuring an all-star cast of all of your favorite action figures, and barbies.  Dolla Morte is an irreverent film depicting action figures killing each other, crucifying each other and violating barbies.  It spoofs everything from the United States war on terrorism, to Cannibal Holocaust, to cheesy action films from the 80’s.  This film is filled with extreme sacrilege, racist and sexist humor, with hilarious dialogue containing terrible impersonations of many popular figures.  This film is also unique in its use of computer generated graphics so terrible, they are on the brink of brilliance.  One of the most unique no buggeted films i’ve seen in quite sometime.

Written and Directed by:  Bill Zebub

Saturday the 14th [1981]

Do not let the title mislead you, this film is awesome.  Saturday the 14th is the ultimate homage to popular horror movies.  It features many iconic monsters and makes reference to many popular horror films.  A young boy discovers “the book of evil” when his family moves into a new house they recently inherited, unknowingly the boy releases a wide variety of monsters after reading verses from the book.  After experiencing a series of strange occurrences and getting a serious case of bats in the attic, the family enlists the help of Van Helsing.  A battle between Van Helsing and a Vampire break out for possession of the book.   Ultimately this is a comedy movie, it features  many monsters but none of them are scary and none of them kill.   This is a very harmless light-hearted film that can be enjoyed by many.  It’s still a b-movie, but it has the sensibility of a family film.

Atlas Shrugged pt.1 )2011)

The most bothersome aspect of this film is it’s message.  The film suggests that true individuality can only be obtained through capitalist pursuits, which is complete nonsense.  True individuality is not a commodity and it cannot be bought and sold.  I am not a socialist or a communist sympathizer, I am one of the most political uninformed people you will cross in your life time, but I do not but all my faith in a system that brings out the worst in people.  Ann Rand is gay.  And this movie is gay.

Director:  Paul Johansson   Writer: Brian Patrick O’Toole & John Aglialoro